Tuesday, January 20, 2009

court adjourned!

I have very few words to say, as I'm taking care of my little niece at the moment. But still, I want to share a quite fascinating experience I've been through just a couple of days before I write this post.
The subject aren't really stunning actually, woman and love. Bored? As a matter of fact, I do feel the same way. But that's not gonna stop me from writing this post either.
Here, the story begins with a nice sleep of mine. Suddenly, my phone recieved a text message and it got into my like-a-baby-sleep. A word came out of my mouth as the sound of the bloody phone pull me off my sweet dreams. "Damn it!"
Slowly, I unlocked my phone and began to read the message. It said "Free x? sy ad bnda pntg nk cakap ni.." (got time? my cat's gonna lay an egg!) Haha! Curious, I replied " yeah sure. ada prob ke?" Its been around 5 minutes since i replied her text after she said she wanted to say something important, yet i heard nothing about that.
I had no idea what she is up to. When I started to slowly losing my consciousness again, she replied, but I read that text as "please, kick me to hell now!" in lieu of " sbnrnya, sy jatuh cinta dgn awk...".
I wish I was stunned, I wish I was happy, a brave girl confessed her love to me, like I never expect she would even fall in love with someone like me. But she did! It only took me a brief moment before I reply her text. I said " r u srious?" and she said yes, she ain't joking.
This time I need some "fresh air", I need to think. I woke up, took my cigratte and went outside. As the tobacco burning and smoke began to fill in the cold air, I sat and read her text again.
To be honest, I'm not used to this kind of feeling, and I just awaken for no longer than 10 minutes, I guess. Now there is a girl falling in love with me. What did i do wrong? Or what did I do right?
I text her again, and I asked her "i'm surprised, tp camne awk leh jatuh cinta kat sy lak? ke awk slh no ni?".
My head was empty, and I dont want to fill it with love that came off nowhere. She said "ikut kata hati..sy xsalah no. awk a**l kan?". Shit! I have no idea what was she thinking when she said that, but of course, if she could think, if she would even considered to think, then she wouldn't have guts to say those stupid things to me. And the reason she gave me was the most naive reason I could recall in my entire life. No offence, I'm not saying she's an idiot, but i think she was being too impetuous.
I took my time to reply her. I know this isn't going to end happily for her, so I tried to be gentle but honest. I said " sy bkn nk kcewakn sape2, tp awk kne fhm. I choosed not to fall in love. At least, not now..sorry". That was the last text I sent to her, I never get any reply from her afterwards.
I can imagine how ashamed she feels when her "pure and innocent love" was rejected, without a slight consideration, some says. But that is out of my concern. Its not her fault to fall in love, really, nor wrong to fall in love but she fell in love with the wrong person, or perhaps at the wrong time. Besides, I can't find a good reason why she fell in love with me. She knows nothing about me. Who was the victim? Nobody knows. It could be me, or she herself.
Feeling a bit of sense of guilty I refused to admit, I said to myself, even she gave up everything, she can never bribe me with her love. Not because her love is not enough, but she's not meant for me. I can tell that. I'm quite sure what I did was the best for both of us now and ever.
I'm sure if I did accept her love, she will only feel sorry for loving me in lieu of feeling happy. And if I ever called to appear before a "love tribunal" or "love court" for this case, I now I'm not to blame, and the judge will surely say, "not guilty, court adjourned!".

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